apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
