If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
