Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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