we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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