ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
