I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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