Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize