yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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