Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
