Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
