Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
