I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
