When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
