I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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