Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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