I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
