Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
