Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize