I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
