I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
