ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
