I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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