I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
