If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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