I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
