Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
