haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
