Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
