Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
