I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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