he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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