Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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