do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
