It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
