I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
