oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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