ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
