I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we're so committed to being not committed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
