My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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