I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
