well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
