Me too!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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