I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
