last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's always time for handjobs
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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