genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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