So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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