don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
