'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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