watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
