he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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