i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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