people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
