the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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