Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
