I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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