There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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