I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
