And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
