There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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