Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
