I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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