I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
