I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
