So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize