I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
