You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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