um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
