I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
