if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
