I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize