I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
