two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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