i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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