her vagine was all disorganized.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
