maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
