I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
