I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
