um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
