I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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