My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
