Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
