Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
