I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
