Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize