he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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