I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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