talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
