apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
