just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
