tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
