BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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