I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's never too late to be topless.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
