Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
