Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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