I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
