i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize