i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
