he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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