Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
