If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
