oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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