Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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