I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
