Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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