I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
