I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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