Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am in a vortex of obligation.
it hurts more in the daytime
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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