Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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