so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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