I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
